I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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