yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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