I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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