Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
