Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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