I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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