He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
