I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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