I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
