I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
