sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize