clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
