I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
