Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
