Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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