We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize