Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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