you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
