It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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