I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
