Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
