btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
