It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
