Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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