i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
