i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
