I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
