tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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