Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
