I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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