Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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