He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize