Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
