i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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