Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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