You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
