Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
