i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize