Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I understand Curling. That high.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I touched a dick in church today
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
