You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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