highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
