We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
God gave him joint rollers for hands
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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