we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
