i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
