people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
