Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I love you. Go after that dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
