please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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