I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
