You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize