grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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