Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
