im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
