The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
