i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
