Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
