capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
