It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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