Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
