I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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