Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
