So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
