I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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