I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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