the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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