You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
