You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize