he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
