you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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