the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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