Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
