Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize