He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
