she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
