Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
