the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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