Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
