She's JV to your varsity
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
