Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
