best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
