i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
