You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
