OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
