my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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