I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
