Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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