Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
