VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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