i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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