About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Too much gin, very little bucket
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
