He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
