these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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