I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
