Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
