That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
