Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
