wanna go halves on a baby?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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