You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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