Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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