she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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