I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
