I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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