the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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