guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
