he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my poor anus
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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