Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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